MY STUDIES IN THEOLOGY WITH MY YOUNG FRIEND

DUDE

YOU REMEMBER THAT SHIT?

FUCKING BRUTAL MAN

Fucking one day my pal jesus was – oh this was awhile ago by the way

Fucking my friend jesus was in trouble with some law dogs and this day he was getting all whipped and shit. We were all watching this shit go down..couldn’t do shit. Fucking roman dudes and all. Had fucking cross bows and shit.

Anyway jesus was getting the shit whipped out of him. And not only was he bleeding like a bitch in heat but he was forced NO JOKE MAN. To carry a big huge wooden cross on his fucking back. Like for fucking MILES man. MILES AND SHIT. We were all watching his ass. Like getting beaten the fuck UP. Hard. Like I wanted to jump in there and save a bitch but like centurians man. You can’t touch those dogs you know?

I was there for my bro at heart you know? Like trying to psychically show him I was there. And shit but you know what are you gonna do right?

So jesus finally gets to this hill right. And we’re all …what the fuck is he gonna do with this huge wooden thing? Like what could he POSSIBLY use it for? Like are they gonna make him fuck his mom with this shit or something?

(laughing)

but no there were like two others bros all fucking NAILED to the cross. Like straight up chilling up there. Nails and all. Bleeding out of their hands and feet. Just fucked up there. All moaning and shit. It was fucing nuts!!

So jesus plops down on his knees. Cries like a bitch for a sec.

I was like all thining “yo dude be a man about this shit…fucking man up. Don’t cry motherfucker!! Like you’re making me look bad you know? I want to get laid at some point dude!!”

I know it sounds harsh but seriously. Fucking bitch shit.

Then right…we all knew that shit was coming. The fucking centurians nail has ass to the cross ! no lie. Fucking bang bang bang. Pop those babies in there. Make him cross his fucking feet over eachother and nail those together. Fucking s&m kinky shit dude!!

Anyway the prop the cross up. He’s in between these other sad saps. And he starts going off about how we don’t know what we’re doing

And I’m like hell yeah they do dude! They’re nailing your ass to a cross! Fucking DEAL WITH IT.

He goes off about dying for our sins. I’m like chill with the philosophy. I dropped that class for a reason right??

Dude goes off rambling for a second then FINALLY DIES.

I mean I was the dudes friend and all but jesus….he was getting bitchy at the end. Like I was even like…get it over with already. Even the centurians were trying to get out of there. But they had to stay till the end.

Like I swear if those ‘turians walked off for a sec I would have popped those naily poos out like beef jerky and set my buddy free. Like lassie and shit. But like hey…no way to do it right…like sorry bro. gotta chill. Sorry to watch you die and blabber on but chill the fuck out.

Anyway the story doesn’t end there…

Jesus dies and we all go home and smoke some old style herbs and chill and sec. just kinda feeling bummed. Nothing too big. Got my dick sucked that night. Like I was over it.

Anyway couple days later I FUCKING SEE JESUS..hes walking around. Like he never died. I’m like WHAT? DID I JUST SEE A GHOST? Then I go up to jesus and high five him just to see if I’m trippin or what and then he’s like YO I AM A GHOST! Straight up. I was fucking freaking out.

Dude calmed me down. Gave me a xanax and shit. Sat me down. Talked me through it. Gave me some OJ. Total trip sitter like. Dude tells me he’s JUST BEEN TO HELL. That he GOT OUT. And now he’s about to rise to HEAVEN to chill with his dad and another ghost. Fucking slimmer and shit.

I couldn’t deal with it. Like too much for my mind. So I run away like a tripped out bitch. Like dude…imagine your worst shroom trip then multiply it by 500…no 1000! Then realize you aren’t even ON DRUGS. That you are freaked cause you SAW A REAL GHOST. Like I never have seen one again. I’m not lying dude. ..

That’s why my hair is white! Seriously…I mean I dye it obviously…but if I let my roots grow out I’d be white as a bitch in shit.

Anyway. Hope I didn’t bore your ass with that.

just was a weird story is all.

Thought you might wanna hear it…

How old am i?

I’m fucking OLD DUDE. I don’t look it but I’m like VAMPIRE old. Like BILL COMPTON OLD.

But it’s cool. My dick still works ok.

(old picture of him calming me down during my trip..i was FREAKING OUT...i was rolling hard too)